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Portuguese Jokes
The Endless Swimming of Joaquim and Manuel
Two Portuguese men decided to swim all the way from Lisbon to here. After the first third of the journey:
- Are you tired, Joaquim?
- No, Manuel!
- Then let's keep going!
They kept swimming until they reached the halfway point.
- Are you tired, Joaquim?
- A little, Manuel!
- Well, let's keep going!
Finally, near the end, already here in Guanabara Bay:
- So, are you tired, Joaquim?
- Exhausted, Manuel!
Then let's swim back!
Drink lemon juice
- You know, Joaquim, the doctor told me to drink a little lemon juice after a hot bath.
- And did you drink the lemon juice, Manuel?
- No way! I couldn’t even finish all that hot water!
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Discover some interesting facts about Portuguese Jokes
Portuguese in Brazil
A Portuguese man, sightseeing in Brazil, asks a Brazilian:
- Which bus should I take to get to Maracanã?
- Bus number 48.
Three hours later, the Brazilian finishes work and finds the Portuguese still at the bus stop, and asks:
- What are you still doing here?
- Oh!!! So far, only the 39 has passed!
The Portuguese and the Oyster
The Portuguese went to the doctor and complained of severe stomach pain:
- I think it was the oysters I ate yesterday.
- Were they fresh? – asked the doctor.
- Well... I'm not sure.
- But when you opened the shells, what color were they?
- Oh! Doctor, did I have to open the shells?!...
The fish in the aquarium
A Japanese man was standing in front of an aquarium, telling the fish:
Fish, come to the right. Fish, come to the left.
And the fish obeyed.
The Portuguese, seeing this, was outraged and asked the Japanese man:
- How do you do that?
The superior mind controls the inferior one.
So the Japanese man left, and the Portuguese kept trying to do the same. Ten minutes later, the Japanese man comes back and asks the Portuguese:
- So, did you manage it?
- Blu blu blu blu.
The Portuguese and the assault
It’s three in the morning, a deserted street, and complete silence. Two burglars – one Brazilian and one Portuguese – break into a mansion to do a “clean-up.” They’re inside, grabbing everything they can, when the Brazilian bumps into a table.
Someone in the bedroom wakes up and shouts from upstairs:
- Who’s there?
The Brazilian, very quick on his feet, perfectly imitates a cat:
- Meeeeow…
The homeowner is convinced and goes back to sleep. The two of them are getting ready to leave when the Portuguese trips and crashes headfirst into a glass cabinet, making a huge noise.
- Who’s there? – shouts the homeowner again, now with a gun in hand.
It’s another cat!
The genie in the lamp
There was a Brazilian, a Japanese, and a Portuguese in a place surrounded by an abyss. The Brazilian tripped over something, and it turned out to be a magic lamp. He rubbed it, and the genie appeared and said:
- Each of you will have the right to make one wish to get out of here.
So, the Japanese ran up and shouted:
- Eagle!
And he flew away. Then the Brazilian went and shouted:
- Seagull!
And he flew away. Then it was the Portuguese’s turn. He ran, tripped over a rock, and shouted:
- Crap!
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